You Are My Miracle

This is a blog about love and heartbreak from a hopeless girl in love.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. But I already knew that.

"Dreaming of the moment when everything looks right. A little bit of love goes a long way tonight." ♥

If You Forget Me - Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I know I could have treated you better. But you could have too. We went through hell and back for each other and I would do it all again just to be with you. I love you more than I’ll love anyone else. I wish you would remember us. The good in us. And I wish it would be enough for you to come back to me and never leave me again.

I wrote this a while back..

I can honestly, 100% say that I am okay without you

I loved you, I lost you. And that’s just how it is. And I’ve accepted that. I know now that I’m better off without you. You’ve been talking to people about how you plan to screw her over and I’m not surprised. People like you are never going to change, and I pity you for that. We had our time, I had the best of you. And now you’ve changed and the best of you doesn’t exist anymore. I’ll always remember the times that we had and the memories that we share. But I’m not going to look back on you now and regret things and wish things were back to normal. I’m stronger now and I realize now that I deserve better. If you can’t see that I was the one, then too bad for you. Someone else will see that and you’ll regret your decisions. I’ve been trying so hard for the past 2 months to get over you by finding a new guy but I realize now that I don’t need a guy to make me happy. I’m focusing on myself, and not worrying about anything or anyone else. Whatever is meant to be, will be. And I know that somewhere, sometime when I’m being myself and enjoying life to the fullest, someone will come out of the blue and take me away. And I won’t look back and think “I wish it was you”. Instead I’ll look back and thank you for letting me go. Because being free is making me love myself. And loving myself is giving me the potential and strength to love someone else to my absolute fullest. Thank you. I will always love you, but I won’t ever be in love with you again.

It kills me inside that I can’t be enough for you.

I sent this one in the same day as well. It still hurts me. To know that I wasn’t good enough for you. But that’s just how it is. I know I’m worth something. And if you can’t see that, then I feel bad for you.

It kills me that we’re not together anymore, but deep down, I know it’s the right thing.

And I sent this one in. It doesn’t kill me anymore, I’ve accepted it. I’ve moved on. And I do know it’s for the better now.

I’ll never love someone as much as I love you. Our love made us do crazy things, but we would never do them for anyone else. You’ve made me better and stronger in every way possible. If I did believe in destiny, you’d be it. I will always love you.

I sent this in the week after we broke up. I still mean every word of it. I’m over you, but I’ll always love you.

There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave. You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave. I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry it’s over. I’m sorry there’s nothing to save.

They say time can heal anything

I don’t believe in it. Sometimes, time can make things worse because as time goes on, you know nothing will ever turn out the way you want it to.

I am over you. Thinking about you makes me sick. I wish I never met you. You don’t deserve me. But all of this pales in comparison to the fact that I want you to come after me. I look for your car everyday, thinking maybe you’ll miss me enough to come back. Truth is I will always love you and even though it’s clear you don’t love me, I don’t know how to change the way I feel.

Today I daydreamed that I would always look for your truck even when I’m in my middle ages. I daydreamed that I would eventually forget why I was looking for a specific truck, but always look for it anyways. I don’t know why I always look for your truck. It’s not coming anywhere close to where I am. It has no reason to because you don’t.

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unheardsecretsblog:

I’m never going to forget you.
You’re the first person who made me rethink the concept of ‘forever.’
I’m over you, but what I’m not over is the hurt, the stress, or the heart break. 
I constantly wonder when I’ll get over all of that though.
I let you in with out thinking twice about it and you fucked me over.
For almost five months you were my all, the only person I wanted in my life.
You were what I wished for when 11:11 came.
I know I had a funny way of showing it, I treated you like shit.
I had my reasons though. Your constant mood swings and indecisiveness just pissed me off. 
You never apologized for hurting me, for leaving me.
You just have to remember that you treated me like shit right back.
It was a constant circle of fighting. I put up with it because I thought I’d rather have you in my life and be miserable, then have you out of my life an be miserable.
I know we’re done for good though, it’s hard to grasp the thought of it though. Whenever we would that a week or two later we’d be telling each other how much we missed and loved each other.
I regret not putting more effort into the relationship. I regret not showing you that I cared. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel like she does. 
If I had another chance, I would try my best to make you the happiest man on Earth.
I stayed home all day just to talk to you. I lost sleep just waiting for you to reply.
I gave up my best friend just to make you happier.
I constantly apologize for not being what you wanted, for not being, well more. 
The way you gave up just like that hurt the most. You knew if you were out of my life, I was leaving. You didn’t think twice, you didn’t even care.
I guess that’s what hurt the most. You cared that little.
I’m scared of moving, it means that any chance of getting you back is gone. 
A thought I can’t deal with.
I saw a girl wearing a hoodie just like the one you had that I always wore.
It almost brought me to tears. 
I can pretend to be strong, pretend to be happy, pretend that I really am over the past, but inside I’ll always know how I really feel. 
It hurts.
I just wish that I could erase you from my memory forever.
I’m with someone that I really do have feelings for, who treats me right, who doesn’t control me, who doesn’t say rude things, who puts forth effort, who shows that he cares.
No matter how much I do like him, it doesn’t seem to change the fact that you’ll always be in my heart.
I am over you, and I’m not saying that to convince myself, it’s just the past, the heartbreak, and the way things ended that I can’t get over.